View From The Window

We have at last had a couple of lovely days, still a bit cool but it has been a long winter, I hope we don't get hit with all this again next year as round about this time I am off to Vietnam. I really must make an effort this year to get out, even if it is only into the garden with a coffee and a book of a morning or a cool drink and the same book in the afternoon. You will notice that none of this involves working in the garden although with the onset of the good weather out will come the power washer to get the paths etc. spruced up, my job sadly, although I have yet to read in the small print where that is specified, but the missus assures me it is in there. Almost a crime special this week.

I wanted some rice the other night and the rice jar was empty, so I opened a new packet, used some and poured it in. I was accosted the next day for not using the proper jar, but they are all the same says I and two were empty, yes but you filled up the wrong one! I also made things worse by not putting the long grain rice jar next to the basmati rice jar when I had filled up the wrong jar.

I got a punter in the other day, he comes in now and again, waxes lyrical about being in show business and hints at big names which he may or may not be managing, met or hangs out with, he then proceeds out to his banged up, twenty year old car and drives away. Anyway the subject of Russia comes up and he explains to me that it is all a plot by the Americans to embarrass them because they, the Americans, are making a fortune from shale gas and want to sell it to Europe rather than Europe buy Russian gas. While trying hard to take this in he then assured me that everyone in charge in most countries are, wait for it, Zionists, and then having obviously spotted "MUG" on my forehead proceeded to enlighten me about the secret societies running the planet. I did respectfully tell him that was a bit far fetched but he assured and warned me in no uncertain terms as he headed, at last, for his old banger as my fingers hovered near the security buttons, off no doubt to meet up with Bruce Springsteen. I had the same thing years ago during the Jimmy Saville furore, as well as the Zionists the Devil Worshippers were involved in that one I was told, say no more.

I watched the news as they reported the death of a burglar when the victim, an old guy of 78, fought back and gave him a mortal wound. Incredibly one of the thief's relatives had turned up and laid a bunch of flowers while praising him for being a nice bloke, and that he didn't deserve this end and something had obviously gone wrong. Well, yes, the owner of the home he broke into and threatened fought back instead of meekly staying in the corner while some low life 'career' criminal and his mate ransacked his house, that's what went wrong love. It transpires the Police were already looking for this guy in connection with other robberies, not very efficiently it would seem. However if you disagree with one of our many victim groups they will be on your doorstep before you can say "Ello, ello, ello, what have we ere then?"

While we are on the subject of crime our newly refurbished Coop supermarket in Carnforth, which opened its doors only a week or so ago, now has a lovely big hole in the wall where the ATM used to be and several feet around it. A few lads short of a bob or two for the weekend, stole a JCB, drove it at the ATM and made off into the wild blue yonder. No one heard a thing presumably, I wouldn't put money on them being caught, or am I being too cynical?