Road Trip 2: The Rip Off

On the last day of August we headed south to Cornwall, a place the Memsahib had on her bucket list for some reason, I was neither for or against. The nightmare began when we left the motorway and made our way inland to Wadebridge where we had booked a cottage for a week, the roads, and I use the term very loosely' turned into one horse wagon tracks with bocage on either side. I had a heart attack every time I found someone coming the opposite way, it almost always ended up with one vehicle reversing to the last place where two cars could squeeze past each other or finding that one, elusive, so called passing place, I hated it.

We managed to make it to the 'road' to the cottage only to find it was a one lane farm track which would test the suspension of a tank, another two mile trek through puddles, muck, stone filled potholes and wayward vegetation. The cottage was first class but in the middle of nowhere, no amount of luxury made up for the travelling in and out of the place and my blood pressure.

Our first visit was to Padstow, I chickened out of driving so we took the bus from Wadebridge, a pleasant journey, a lovely tourist trap and an introduction to the price hikes for food and drink, a small jar of peanuts from Rick Stein's shop was nearly £5, Rick doesn't need my cash so he didn't get any. Have you ever noticed that tourist traps, motorway stations and airports seem to use a different monetary system than the rest of us when pricing.

The second day we went to Bodmin Jail, a very interesting trip, they knew how to treat criminals in the old days, many burglars for instance were hanged along with one poor sod who interfered with animals. No Playstation 5's, Sky TV, fresh air or toilets. The guide, dressed completely in black with more metal in her face than a scrap dealer and more ink on her arms than an issue of the Telegraph was, to my surprise and prejudice very knowledgable, humourous and pleasant. Part of the jail had been turned into a very plush hotel, I suddenly wished I had never seen the cottage. On the way out I wanted to visit The Duke of Cornwell's Light Infantry Museum, it was shut, has been for a couple of years seemingly due to renovations, can we do anything here? I wanted the Panzer Museum in Vienna, shut, the Napoleonic section in Les Invalides, shut, the Royal Army Museum, shut, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (Disney) yes shut, the second time I got there they had removed it!

 Up early the next day and off to Land's End, we have been to John O'Groats so had to visit the opposite end. GPS is touch and go in those there parts, although we could see our destination the Satnav wanted to take us to a different part of Cornwall. The first shock was the parking charge, more of which anon. We could not see much for the fog and mist, we got to the famous sign post only to find if you wanted to get close for a photograph you had to cough up £10.99, no way, we waited until the queue, yes there was a pile of people waiting to be fleeced, until it dispersed then used the zoom on the phone. On the way back we stopped at St. Ives, another lovely tourist trap of a harbour and very pleasant to walk around.

If you look close you can see New York...... 

Next up was the Eden Project, a big hole in the earth with loads of plants, I cannot say I was enamoured of the place as I have no interest in plants at all, it was smaller than I imagined and I am sure if you were really, really interested in plants you would have had a great visit. They had plastered big, fake dinosaurs all over the place because kids are not interested in plants either.

Parking, the times were usually such that they were not enough to see whatever place or attraction you had chose so you were left paying for 8 hours, which of course was way too much time to spend looking around yet another quaint fishing harbour, that will be £7.50 ta. You got no discount or extra hour for having a Blue Badge, which I have due to my circumstances. At least Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask.

George's taxi service next headed of to Tintagel Castle, home of King Arthur, despite not a lot being left the place has a certain brooding air to it, Mrs A enjoyed this, I did wonder however why Cornish was set out next to English on signs etc. No visitors would be able to understand it and not many locals either I suspect, a bit like the foisting of Gaelic on lowland Scotland. Our last port of call that day was Port Isaac, yet another old fishing port used as a back drop for many movies including The Eagle has Landed, Saving Grace, Fisherman's Friends and Doc Martin amongst others.

We also made it to Falmouth, the last time I had been there I was taking the mail ashore in a dinghy from HMS Sheraton while a dolphin swam alongside, although it looked like Jaws to me. Lo and behold the Navy were present, HMS Portland and RFA Argus were in, so almost half the navy. Falmouth harbour was nice with cafes and bars and a main square, ruined somewhat by the obligatory Ferris wheel in operation. The National Maritime Museum charges £19.50 per person with no discounts for OAP's or Veterans, silly me, it's Cornwall. About a third is an exhibition of surf boards, a third of little dinghy's or row boats, including of course one showing the plight of illegals, sorry, asylum seekers, and a third of local maritime history, but not enough of this most interesting part for us. The young lad taking our cash had blue hair, tattoos and a ring through his nose, pleasant enough though. Did I mention the kiddies pool with radio controlled boats which they needed a further £1 token to play with.

N

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Ditto.

It was a busy time and a stressful one for me, I visited more ports that week than I did in the RN.

Our second visit was at Putsborough in North Devon, we decided to park the car up for four days, this was a great boon for me. Again the cottage was superb and we took things easy with beach and coastal walks. The beaches here were very nice and busy with surfers, mind you they seemed to spend their time paddling out and jumping through the waves rather than actual Hawaii type surfing.

During the whole period we visited several towns starting with a stop off in Gloucester, almost all are now shabby and run down, full of barbers, nail and vape shops, and overrun with Uber Eats cyclists. Supermarkets and retail parks have been the kiss of death to many, unless they have something for the tourists like Padstow, St. Ives and Falmouth. 

On the way back I popped in to see mate Rob Broom and had a lovely lunch prepared by Barbara, his  missus. We chatted and as we were leaving he 'borrowed' me the first 25 Judge Dredd comics, I am now working my way through the ups and downs of Megacity1.

So there you have it, the missus got to see everything on her list and I got to relax for four days, I am doubtful of ever going back to that neck of the woods. Oh and a little collection from Mr. Miserable.