View From The Window

These weeks don't half go fast, that's another consigned to history. It is wild this morning, high winds are playing havoc with the neighbours garden across the road in Eyebrow Cottage, so called because it does seem to have eyebrows, the gate at Washington House has been slammed open, which otherwise it would move and bang all night and the view is murky. It is raining again and it is cold, I know this as I have already been out this morning, priming soldiers and checking the path and car for a pearl which dropped off my wife's earring as we trotted off for a meal out last night.

It was a French restaurant in Lancaster, well the maître d' at least was French, a small woman who lavished her attention and smiles on me when explaining that 'chicken leaver' was a special, I thought that gets the missus back for that greasy Italian waiter who ignored me in Preston. That's how I saw it at least. The food was very nice and my wife looked beautiful, she also very kindly booked a table for my birthday in a few weeks.

Yes, the oysters were delicious.

'Rinsing,' did you think that was when you put clothes in non soapy water and give them a shake, well there is a new meaning to the word, if you are a pretty girl you pop a shovelful of make up on, squeeze yourself into a tight, preferably low cut dress, take a picture, pop it on Facebook with details and online links to stuff you want and hope that some nut decides to buy you one or more of those expensive items and sends it to you. The Brooks sisters seemingly are the numero uno proponents of rinsing and have to date garnered some £75,000 worth of stuff from people with no lives, and believe me they are no great lookers.

Three little fishes?

Spare a thought for poor ex-SNP MP Natalie McGarry, it would seem that the police have decided right out of the blue to pick on her for 'discrepancies' in donations to 'Women for Independence', £30,000 of discrepancy to be precise. Isn't it about time the police stopped spending all that money and time on investigations into MP's who are clearly innocent of any wrongdoing and are simply being picked on. Natalie has assured us all she is innocent and is stepping down, temporarily(?), from her SNP position for the good of the party and, yes you guessed it, her constituents, bravo. She is of course remaining as an MP, not the kind her constituents elected but an Independent, no point in losing the pension is there.

Yes, I did it!

 Christmas is nearly upon us and over the last couple of days I have had the beginning of the rush, someone comes in clutching twenty or so cards "this one is for Australia, USA, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Australia .............." I ask them to put the Airmail stickers on to save time and I get a look that says 'why am I doing his job?' Post Office Limited have also introduced a system whereby I have to punch in postcodes for everything now, just at the busiest time of the year, planning I think its called. I have had a few this week, in comes Mrs X carrying what she wants to post, have you a bag for this, or a box, maybe just a big envelope, what do you think? I think if you hurry the PO in the next town is open. After stuffing and destroying several padded envelopes she finds one that works, have you got a pen, no better make it a marker? Do you think it will get there for tomorrow second class, NO! I'm a vegetarian, it still won't get there tomorrow second class. Then there is the bright spark who, when asked where the parcel is going answered "I don't know" and when I couldn't help myself from blurting out "You don't know!" looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. How was he expected to know, his girlfriend had given him it, silly me. Or what about it doesn't weigh anything, yes it does you have not entered a vacuum, or, it is only 10 grams over that doesn't matter does it, yes it does that's why the limit is 10 grams under what you have.

And lastly of course why on earth did the Turks shoot down a Russian jet? A jet that wandered over a sticky out part of their godforsaken land for seventeen seconds, I don't want to glow in the dark because the Turks are trigger happy and stupid. Couldn't they just have sent Putin a stern email?