Here's for a better week

A new dawn and let's hope a better week with no hidden surprises.

I now have time on my hands again of an evening and am looking at my Bolt Action terrain again, my friend Colin at Charlie Foxtrot Models threw a few little out buildings in with my last order and I duly painted them up as forgotten and unloved garden sheds etc. I decided this was not enough and they needed some basing, having some plasticard lying around I set too, nothing too over the top, simply a base of sharp sand, painted in Flat Earth and drybrushed Gold Brown and Dark Sand, a little concoction courtesy of Matt at Wargames Table, and a smattering of Late Summer Grass. A little more was required of course so out came the grass tufts and a few things from the odd pile, oil drum, tyre, barrel and sack. I am going to put all my houses on bases and want to do a couple of garden bases to fit at the back or side but for this I need to get to a show and pick up some 'veg' and anything else you might find in a garden, barrow, bicycle etc. I have looked online but not found anything I like yet.

My son and a friend are coming over and up for a weekend of wargaming, it was supposed to be the week after when the missus was away but the two of them got it wrong and there isn't a court in the land which would listen to their side of the story, so this weekend it is.

I am introducing Dave to the American Civil War with Johnny Reb rules on the Saturday, I have chosen the battle of Cool Springs, it is a Confederate attack on a Union bridgehead across the Shenandoah River in 1864. The game is big enough to be aesthetically pleasing but not too big that we will not finish it in one sitting nor is it too big to overwhelm a new player, they will be Rebs and I will be the good guys. If we finish this between banter and beer then I have a three way Dead Man's Hand game waiting in the wings.

Believe it or not on the Sunday it is Dave's turn to be the teacher and he is introducing, wait for it, Warhammer Ancient Battles! You will probably know that this was a phenomenally successful set of rules which now that I know more about it, most of my War and Conquest mates are ex-WAB players, I am sorry I missed. The game imploded with the introduction of the Second Version which was universally dismissed and the community disappeared almost overnight, hence the birth of Clash of Empires and War and Conquest which have never caught on to the same degree.

Anyway Dave has gone back to WAB and with his unbounded enthusiasm is trying to once again build up a core of players and is trying to organise a tournament in August next year, if you are interested look here. So, in the spirit of tit for tat and curiosity he will play my son on Sunday morning and me after I serve up a full Scottish breakfast, defibrillator standing by. My son is using his Carolingians as Western Franks, I will have Romano-British Civitates and Dave is bringing Scots-Irish, Dave has never beat an Anderson before so he is looking forward to it. My army will be typical, a core of household troops, backed up by militia with a small unit of cavalry and one or two skirmish units.

Although WAC is my rule choice for my Dark Age and Ancient battles it will be interesting to play its parent system and especially against Dave, roll on the weekend.
 

View from the Window

It's a rubbish day which is apt as the whole week has been rubbish so it finishes the way it started. Outside it is drizzling with rain, you know, the worst kind, the distant hills are muggy and no windmills, that always cheers me up of course, there is a fair bit of wind however although it is not as cold as it has been. The odd dog walker goes past and Mark Holmes is across the road fixing up his daughters front garden, Mark is a builder and has just about rebuilt the house in his spare time, my wife is spending her weekends at the moment between here and Glasgow sorting out my sons flat, organising the council, workmen, cleaning etc. the best you'll get from me is an Ikea build if you can stand my complaints and moans because I am not doing it myself.

What was wrong with the week you ask, well we had it confirmed Monday morning that once again a cowboy had been in attendance when the bathroom ceiling lights had been installed, why do you never see the horse outside? He must have got them from a passing spaceship on its way to Alpha Centauri at a knock down price. There is one where the glass plate will not stay on and keeps falling into the bath, there is another where you can't get the glass plate off, and as for changing the bulbs, I have not managed it yet, this involves calling out a real electrician. He also jammed them in the ceiling instead of fixing them there so I now have to get a proper electrician to come out and replace them all.

Later the same day I put some rubbish out only to pass the Batmobile and find three nails in my front tyre, OK the front tyres were due to be replaced but it was still a shock, I gingerly took it to the local garage at the bottom of the hill. A few hours later I get a call with the bad news that a rear tyre also has a nail in it and, guess what, it cannot be repaired, ching £300+ down the drain. An hour after that I get another call to tell me one of the front springs is broken, and here's the thing, the missus knew that as well seemingly and had been telling me for months about the noise, aaagh! The news was worse as he said he did not have the equipment to put in new springs safely and therefore I would have to find somewhere else.

I went online and found I had to take the car to Ulverston, 45 minutes away and it would cost another £300+. I was not a happy bunny, I would have to sit and wait for them to fix the car and I expected that would be my whole day ruined. I got to Ulverston but could not find Unit 5 on the industrial estate, what made it worse was that at every Unit I stopped at they all shook their heads and professed no knowledge of a Mercedes specialist on the estate, getting angrier I eventually stopped at what looked like an Arthur Daly outfit with a large sign saying Mercedes Specialist, I approached the mechanic inside and told him I had the SLK here for two new springs only to be informed he couldn't do them for at least ten days, I blurted out "You must be bleep joking mate" I insert the bleep because I am unsure whether a tame version of an expletive passed my lips I was so mad, after several more exchanges it came to light I was in the wrong place! I did then find the right place, sat around for two hours and got home around three having left that morning at nine. The Anderson treasury has taken a large hit and I still have to get the lights done, and worst of all the missus was right again, the car is quieter.

I see Sam Faiers is being hailed as a role model for expectant mothers and right on feminists, no, I don't know who she is either but she breast fed her baby on This Morning while hiding it under a blanket, which Phil whatever his name is quickly explained was the mothers choice and not a condition of the programme, lawyers and the twittersphere please note. Now being on the television did she not think to feed the baby in the green room in private rather than use it to make a point on national television, way to go Sam more publicity, win win.

I got in the PO the other day and noticed something strange in our tray of dud money, I say dud but we fish out all the Scottish, Isle of Man and Northern Ireland, torn and written on notes to send back to HQ so as not to offend a lot of people who think there is only 'English Money'. The crazy thing being all those other notes are not actually legal tender, but I digress. Anyway right on the top of the pile was a new fiver, how can that be thought I, they have only just come into circulation and are almost as invulnerable, compared to paper money, as Superman. Well not when you account for human stupidity they are not, whoever owned this particular fiver had strenuously torn off one corner and burned the other, testing the claims the moron had listened to on the telly, you couldn't make it up.

I have been forced to watch Strictly Come Dancing the last few weeks because on a Saturday night I have no boxed sets or movies worth watching at the moment although I am considering paint drying. However I am reaching the end of my tether with the show again, why does the black guy burst into tears when he is praised by the judges, even the women don't do that, man up for heavens sake. And what about the Will Young furore, he has left for many differing reasons depending on which paper you read and how popular it is with the great unwashed. He has suffered from PTSD in the past, remember here he is a ..... singer, not a soldier, fireman or policeman or any one of a number of people who deal with traumatic incidents every day. Slebs also deal with depersonalisation and derealisation as well the luvs.

I am being hustled to get on here, I got up late and we leave in twenty minutes and I have not even brushed my teeth yet, there will be no view next week as I have guests turning up for a wargaming weekend, my son and a mate who is taking his life in his hands venturing past the Watford Gap "will I need a passport?"

A parting shot is the news that some 900 Nigerian women have turned up here at our expense to have babies then went home, at least they went home, one in particular cost us £145,000 for five babies, save the NHS anyone?

ACW Essays

When I first started wargaming the American Civil War Ryan Toews answered a request of mine in a magazine for the colour of artillery limbers, this began a long distance friendship which resulted in me taking part in three re-enactments and the two of us publishing six scenario, two campaign and three flag booklets on the subject. I thoroughly enjoyed and still do the Johnny Reb rules and played the initial scenarios which came with them and thought I could do that, this led to a pretty decent ACW library for someone living in the UK, containing among other things the Official Records of both sides and Dyer's Compendium of the War of the Rebellion. Despite pouring over these sources there was always something I couldn't find or wasn't happy with, thankfully I had my own Civil War expert on call and Ryan furnished regimental compliments, weapons, maps and a myriad other bits of information which went to make our booklets the most accurate of their kind.

Henry House Hill, First Bull Run.

 Ryan recently sent me two essays prompted by recent questions on the war and how perceptions are changing and I would like to share these so have put them above in their own pages. Even if you are not a Civil War gamer but a wargamer and interested in history get a coffee and have a look, if nothing else they may give you an insight which may surprise you.

Manfred the Moocher

Club night but not Club night, I set off as usual yesterday having organised my aircraft for Wings of War, the bases, the tokens, the bumf, sorted out a scenario but once at the club and having got the table organised found out I had not brought the actual aircraft cards, you can't of course play the game without the cards. The week had started out badly and is obviously set to continue in that vein, god knows what is going to be thrown at me over the next few days.

Despite a kind offer to jump into another game I had set my sights on playing Wings of War so Simon and I set off back to mine, I just knew there had been something missing which is why I fussed over everything before putting it in the car, my only excuse is I had a lot on my mind as real life had kicked me in the teeth.

So, back at my house we set up on the dining room table, the missus was out so no interference there, the mission was to be a photographic one for the Germans, to this end they had a two-seater Rumpler with an Albatross and Fokker Triplane (Von Richthofen) as escort, I rolled a die and the result was that I had to take three photographs of the target. The allied Dawn Patrol consisted of two Camels and a Sopwith Triplane. Much like X-Wing I have so many models some never take to the air and it is usually the old favourites time after time, so it was nice to see the Rumpler and Sopwith triplane flying.

 There was no finesse in the opening movements as the British headed straight for me, I kept the Rumpler on course for the target, the Albatross made for the British while the triplane faffed about trying to make his way over without bumping the two seater. I was soon approaching the target and my observer had to reluctantly drop his gun for the camera, thankfully the Camel on his tail was silent, gun jam.

 

Von Richthofen found himself at the tail end of the fight but the British ignored him and turned to get the Rumpler, Manfred was staring at an empty sky as the fight moved away from him.

With the first photograph being a success, you have to roll to see whether the plate is dropped or the visibility was rubbish or the camera simply did not work, the Rumpler began to position himself for another run, the observer now concentrating on the stripey Camel on his tail. They were helped by the pilot of the Albatross who was now behind the Camel, a smoke trail coming from his engine.

This aircraft broke off for some respite while his friends arrived, the Rumplers rear machine gun had suddenly gone quiet, the Albatross flung himself around to face the newcomers, a flash of red could be seen in the distance.

 The striped Camel again entered the fray but this time his engine caught fire and he spun out of control towards the ground, the Albatross was now a flying wreck as was the Rumpler, both the pilot and the observer were slumped wounded in their seats and their guns remained silent, the camera hanging useless at the side. As the Albatross turned for home the Rumpler plummeted downwards, Richthofen now turned up and put the second, badly shot up Camel out of the fight, this allowed the Albatross to escape unmolested while both triplane pilots duelled to the death.

Richthofen's patience had paid off, after several fly pasts the British triplane went south.

A good little game salvaged from a bad start, there were no quick kills as all the aircraft took an amazing number of hits before they fell from the sky, the striped Camel in particular had a huge number of cards in his damage pile, most being zeros unfortunately. A lucky shot had taken out the observer so I could not complete my mission, I thought one photograph was better than none but then the pilot was mortally wounded and the plane disintegrated. A victory for the British but a pyrrhic one having lost three planes for one, the Albatross was very lucky as he only had one damage point left as he gunned for home.

When I was a kid and played football a moocher was a guy who hung about the opposite goal doing nothing but waiting for the chance to catch everyone off guard and get an uncontested goal, in this game a well deserved moniker for Manfred. In wargame terms the other aircraft were faster and as I had put the red triplane in a bad position it took me a long time to bring him back into the game.

Almost Done

Very quiet day yesterday so I got on with my M3 for my British forces, I had primed it the day before so it was ready to go. The kit was from Rubicon and if you are making it as a British version because you cannot find a decent M5 then you have to leave all the interesting stuff off it, all those lovely machine guns the American versions had for instance. This leaves you a pretty dull vehicle, so it was down to stowage to make it look interesting, I looked online and these machines were loaded with stuff. I therefore opened up my new Allied Stowage kit and fished out some petrol cans and haversacks, the tarpaulins I had from the Warlord set so no point in wasting them, even with these it looked a trifle bare, so I stuck on a large piece of camo netting.

 All my paints are Vallejo so it was Russian uniform for the main colour washed with black ink and drybrushed with the same colour but a little white added, the edges were then dabbed with a sponge and mud applied to the lower regions.

I popped a photo on Facebook and immediately had it pointed out that one of the haversacks was upside down, it is now on the right way, believe me.

Now that's stowage.

 I can have panzerfaust's on my Germans but getting them proved a bit of a pain, as far as I can see most metal figures are sold in anti-tank teams so you get panzerfaust's and panzerschrek's, you cannot just buy four or more soldiers with 'faust's. Perhaps you can in the plastic boxes but I don't like plastic. As I have played more games I realise the panzerfaust is not a weapon you want to be in the field without as a German and for the price it can give the Allies pause for consideration. My solution was to buy a pack of ten 'faust's and stick them to the backs of suitable figures or have them at the feet of others, just about to be picked up perhaps.

My Bolt Action Germans are now pretty much tooled up for any scenario and have a tidy choice of support weapons in the wings, bring it on Tommy!

View From The Window

It's cold and it's grey, a very sharp morning and the forecast is rain at some point, it looked like we were getting it yesterday evening but it didn't turn up. There can't be any stock car racing on as it is nice and quiet and nothing stirs, not even the wind, the village is settling in for the winter.

I forgot to tell you, I now have my 'Fibre to the House' broadband, but I am still unhappy, there's a surprise. A week later than planned the doorbell went at 0845 hrs, it was the BT engineer, a young blonde girl with a scowl on her face(?), I professed surprise and wondered aloud where I could collect my £200 for sighting her, that went over her head. I pointed out where the cable had to enter my study, at the window about 10ft from the ground, immediately she said that was dodgy, it looks unsafe! I pointed out that she had ladders, but the ground looked suspect she replied, I told her it was limestone mostly under the soil and went and jumped up and down on it, I also pointed out that there was a three foot shale path coming back from the wall but of course this would mean the ladder would be at a sharp angle, I'll hold the bloody thing says I. She reluctantly started her work while I headed for the Post Office.

She also told me she was cheesed off as she worked out of Wolverhampton or some place and was only here as BT did not have enough men available for the amount of work, I quickly put her straight on how cheesed off I was having dealt with the lying, incompetent sods now for almost two months. About an hour or so later, not having fell to her death or horrible disfigurement from the ladder, she said the job was done and I would have my broadband in an hour. Oh how I laughed, an hour! Sure enough it took about three days, a weekend and the usual amount of wasted time on the phone to really get it. She had also put the large white router where it was easiest for her without breaking sweat instead of asking me, it now sits right under a window in plain sight, her indoors is not pleased, a movement of 12" would have put it out of sight. So the saga is not over, we have to check we are not being billed for two lines and want another engineer, preferably one with a smile on his face, to come and move the router, watch this space.

Do you remember David Cameron's pledge to cut quango's in the UK, to get rid of these publicly funded, jobs for the boys committees and busybodies but instead set up more of them, well I do. I sent a letter to BT and copied it to Ofcom (making communications work for everyone), the telecommunications watchdog or whatever who is supposed to stand up for the little man. Well they don't, they simply monitor complaints but can do nothing about them, they did refer me to ....... BT. BT replied that my complaint was still ongoing, this is going to last longer than reruns of Columbo. Why are the people at Ofcom being paid money to do nothing while giving the impression they are important and the scourge of big business, just like all the rest of them, like those fools who keep wagging their finger at energy companies about their price hikes etc.

The United Utilities woman came to the office the other day and asked me what I thought of the road closure so far, big mistake. I pointed out that it didn't matter what I thought as it would change nothing and I could only hope it is all over sooner than planned, I also pointed out the one way system was not working. She told me there was no one way system as emergency vehicles had to have access to the village by the fastest route, well that's rubbish says I, you had it on a map and emergency vehicles can use any road or means to get anywhere as fast as they can, I have seen them run red lights and use the opposite lane, due to the look on her face this came as a surprise to her. I have also found out that the chaos is being caused by Health and Safety because they require three metres (9.8 feet for those who are not from Europe) of room between the workers and traffic, otherwise there could have been traffic management as not the whole road is being dug up.

I saw my first crash the other day from the window, due to the congestion some young guy backed his van into a car which had pulled in to let others through, the wife's car has also had a scrape somewhere, the rear wheel arch had white paint on it, not a big deal thankfully, just glad it was not the Batmobile, it pays to park miles away from the front door of the supermarket, the defence rests.

Last week we had the wheelie guy on the motorbike, this week it is the guy who has run 431 odd marathons each day for the past, eh, 431 days. Surely that can not be good for you, he now has to wind down for the next year by still running but cutting down the distance until his body gets back to normal, doesn't he have a job?

Angelina and Brad have split, now come on, who didn't see that coming. I like Pitt but don't like her, never have, too modern, too on message, too touchy feely, too correct. My wife informs me the main reason is that she lets the kids do what they want while he wants them to be treated like kids, proper meal times, bed times and basically do what they are told. Kudos to Mr. Pitt.

UK Politics is the gift which just keeps giving. Nigel is back, he must be sick of this himself but of course the media will not listen to that bit, I do wonder though what UKIP will do next, it did what it said on the tin and unless it changes its name and direction it should perhaps call it a day. And what about the Labour and Conservative conferences and speeches, after decades of mucking about they have both had a revelation and know exactly what the people of the UK need and want, how could you not vote for them. What was that, they have both been in government before and done nothing, no, I won't have that, I heard them on the telly.

Panorama almost scared the life out of me last week, it was on diabetes type 2, which I have, due in the main to my blood disorder I might add, not eating tons and tons of sweets although I have a penchant for liquorice and midget gems, as did my dad. My mind was set at rest somewhat because every subject they homed in on, apart from one, was hugely overweight and despite all the warnings and having everything to live for and stop their self destructive diets, would not. So it was the NHS to the rescue with £5,000 operations to cut their stomachs down, that was £10,000 which could have gone on people who couldn't help themselves to become well again.

The sun is up, maybe we will have a nice day after all.

Job Done

Home alone tonight and of course I couldn't help but get on with the latest recruit to my German forces, so just a quick update.

I decided to try and put the number decals on the sides where I should have put them before putting on the rocket frame, the decal sheet which comes with the kit is great and considering you only need a few numbers it is possibly overkill, but I am not complaining. Anyway I have learned the hard way to be careful with these transfers and I use the Micro-Sol products and a pair of tweezers to help me get them right, so far this has been very successful.

I was tempted to go with the same colour scheme as my first 251 but thought it would be too dark having coloured the rocket frames in a dark woodgrain, so I went for a simple green splinter. I washed this down with Sepia and gave it a good drybrush with the ubiquitous Dark Sand, after this I used a bit of sponge and some black paint to wear away the edges then applied some watered down rust. I finished off with some mud product, voila!

I might add some bits and pieces inside once I open up my stowage kits, there are a couple of spare rockets with the kit but they would hardly be sloshing about on the inside or parked on the hood. So that is it, the infantrymen next and then the M3.

Dabbling

I decided I needed more linear features for my Bolt Action table and had a look around the internet, I settled eventually on Warlord's box of stone walls, although I have stuck to my guns and bought them from someone else, thus saving a few quid and keeping Warlord on my list of 'not to be traded with' along with one more company and two countries. Just as an aside Warlord are being praised for their customer service on Facebook while everyone who does so does not have what they ordered or are not getting it for a month, go figure.

Anyway back to the walls, these are OK actually, you get quite a few bits and pieces in the kit and can make complete walled enclosures or simply a line of walls with or without a gate, I went for sandstone rather than the usual grey, this complements my bridge and is a nice change. A coat of Desert Yellow, a wash with Sepia then a dry brush with Dark Sand and a stipple of a suitable dark green to finish. I was thinking of varnishing them but as they are terrain pieces and probably will not get a lot of handling I'm leaving them as is and if needed in the future I can always repair with a dab here and a dab there.

I have got the maps under control so am now doing a bit of work of my own of an evening and have built my "Stuka zu Fuss" ("Walking Stuka") or Heulende Kuh ("Bellowing Cow") Hanomag as it was also known. The build is fairly straightforward and you can leave the rocket frame off if you want to use the vehicle as a normal transport and the rack offends you. I foresaw problems with taking it on and off as it could quite easily snag on the machine guns and break them as they are very delicate, so I glued mine in place.

It also recommends painting the rockets before completing the cages they are sat in, I agree with this, what I also did was cut off the little nodes which were on the cage sides as I found it easier to glue them in place without trying to find the holes.

Early days and my extra riflemen in greatcoats.

To be honest it is probably a better idea to paint both parts seperately and to conclusion, decals and weathering etc. before attaching the frame, but I am too late for that, so I shall have to be extra digilent with my brush work.

 

Convert?

The nights are fair drawing in as we Scots say, it's getting colder and it is darkish now when I arrive at the club. Last night was an introductory game for Ryan, a newcomer, to the world of War and Conquest and a Dark Age set to with Romano-British versus Saxon Heptarchy, I had the British.

Because of a lack of armour I took advantage of my army list and gave all the foot large shields, a leftover from their Roman masters, the only armour on the field was my Comitatus with the Dux and my mounted Milites. I took four infantry blocks, one cavalry and a couple of skirmishers, Ryan had two Gedriht units, one on foot and one mounted, I would have to look out for these and then three standard warbands with again a couple of skirmish units.

I set up in typical Dark Age style and put the cavalry on my left along with the archers, I hoped to cut down the mounted Gedriht with archery and then hit them with more mounted men as my unit was larger. I should have taken a note of this plan. Both sides marched towards each other and I lost some time going into shieldwall, something I usually disdain but have learned my lesson, I also needed it to give whoever fought the Gedriht a chance.

Throughout all these command tests I was throwing in my advantage points and then found I had none to try and help get the initiative before starting the next round, this was a real bind as I wasn't doing too well gaining initiative. I advanced my line and saw right away my left was wide open, I had delayed pushing my cavalry up in order to shoot at the Saxon cavalry, this was a bad idea. Ryan managed to charge into the flank of my Pedyts, although beat they held, it was a big unit, they had a Decurio with them and I threw in a SIP to keep them in place. Next turn Saxon infantry also hit the Pedyts, but I had at last thrown my cavalry in and hit the Saxon horsemen in the flank, the fight was escalating, this time I won. The rest of the line now clashed apart from my Comitatus which I should have thrown in but didn't, again content to let my slingers grind down the Saxons opposite them.

Having held and won the fight on the left I expected victory to follow, but a disastrous round saw my men fall like chaff before the wind and none of the enemy eating dirt! My boys fled only to be run down, I wasn't doing too well in the other fights either, I was now engaged all along the front and had enraged Saxons to my rear. I did the decent thing and called it a day, time was up and the last turn would just have seen more hurt inflicted on my men.

There you have it, a good game and a good introduction for Ryan who seemed very pleased with the rules, as he would be, I believe he is looking to buy them and also look at some figures, he likes the Hoplite period and this would give my Romans an enemy close at hand.

Elsewhere at the club there were several board games being played, a Bloodbowl match and a Bolt Action game which looked rather good, British Para's against Germans, I would have liked to have seen more of this but I was locked in a struggle to the death with the Saxons. 

I am not doing a lot at the moment despite having those models from Rubicon on the back burner, I have started on some walls for my WWII terrain, I don't see them taking up a lot of hours, it will be the Henry Cooper school of painting with those, splash it all over. I think I will then move on the Hanomag before the M3 as I will more than likely be playing Germans before British.

View From The WIndow

Beautiful morning, even a slight heat haze over in the distance, but it is cold, the heating is now being turned on and even the wood burner has been on once this autumn, so that is now pretty much it for summer another bummer with only the odd few days or week here and there. We simply don't get the old summers I remember as a child with June to August being great, and before you think I am getting soft and becoming an eco-warrior, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. The road closure continues to raise temperatures of course with the whole organisation having turned to dust and all roads now seeming to be free for alls instead of the regulated up and down lanes. I now add five minutes to my escape route by going to the next village and using a little used lane where I have had no problems at all and my blood pressure remains normal.

On the environment here is couple which tickled me, the state of South Australia which prides itself on renewable energy had the lights turned off because there was no sun or wind, fancy that. And a 'ship of fools' who went to sail the Northwest Passage to prove the ice cap was melting at a horrendous rate found themselves stuck, yes, in the ice which was not supposed to be there. You couldn't make it up.

As you know I was at my sons in Chorleywood last weekend and it was lovely down there, what I don't understand is why Chorleywood which is probably about the size of Carnforth has a flourishing high street with a small supermarket, local butcher, cafes, clothes shops, pubs etc. while Carnforth is simply awash with chemists, bookmakers and charity shops, oh and a Greggs of course, it's bad news when you can't even get Starbucks to turn up. And I noticed Chorleywood is not alone, is it the North/South thing, do they just have more money?

As I trundled along to London on the local train it was packed, I moved into the 'Quiet Zone' and asked the bag which had not paid for a seat to move while I sat down, this had been ensconced on the seat alongside its owner while half a dozen people stood not three feet away. Right across from me as the train hurtled along was a guy on his laptop going about his business but also talking to his office on the phone, wasn't this a quiet zone? The people around him smiled and we all looked at each other with that 'tsk, what a prat it's a quiet zone' look, I began to get annoyed. He finished his call but no sooner had he done so than he dialled again, OK, I took a quick shufty of the situation, he was about a couple of inches smaller than me, he was younger, but he looked like a typical office wallah, he did have an Asian look about him, martial arts perhaps, but he was not bald, had no tattoos and was not wearing trackie bottoms, I could take him if things got nasty. The call finished but once again he started on another, before you could say Jack Robinson, I rapped him on the leg, pointed to the quiet icon and in my best Glaswegian said "Ho, this is a quiet zone pal". Flustered he apologized and left the zone, mumbling to his office to give him a minute as there was an upset guy on the train. Two minutes later, guess who's phone went off, mine!

What about the guy who went around the Isle of Man TT course on one wheel, eh, yeah, what about it, why?

Have you ever heard of 'safe spaces' where seemingly if you get annoyed, mainly at university, but no doubt they are at or coming to a workplace near you, you can go to escape and gather your precious thoughts after hearing something you disagree with. This kind of thinking has now been extended by some archaeological lecturer who has taken it upon himself to warn his students who are studying the effects of modern war that if they find it upsetting then they can leave the lecture and simply copy the notes of someone with more grit who stays. You can also get a ten percent bump up in your mark if you might not be the brightest bulb in the pack but can point to some medical or perhaps mental condition which made you not as bright as you might think you are, and as acne is now a disability then you are on a winner, who would be brave enough to gainsay you?

As you know on my BBC watch I look for them to describe ne'er do wells in layman's terms not beat about the bush to hide the fact they are not white males, but it has come to my notice that President Obama will not call Islamist Terrorists such because as far as he is concerned they are in fact simply murderers etc. who are using Islam as a cover. We don't stand a chance, where did I put that white flag?

Now I don't know about you but believing that man walked the earth with his pet dinosaur at his side ala Fred Flintstone instead of evolving over millions of years when Dino had disappeared is a tad illogical to me as is believing the whole deal was made over a six day week, if I am wrong I'll take it on the chin come the day. But allowing a school to run an alternative Satanist after school club in order to allow some nuts their alternative view is simply insane. I might need two white flags.

Can I also just say I enjoyed my night on the town in the Smoke last Friday with my son and brother, I think I could live in a city and I always enjoy visiting one, especially if it is abroad, they are always bright, busy and alive with huge choices for the traveller in food and drink and entertainment. As we walked around the place was buzzing, and it looked like we would not be able to get to the bar for a drink, imagine my surprise when after we had barged through the crowds at the doors the inside was fairly empty, how cool was that, no fight to get a beer and even in some a place to sit. It didn't hit me until later that all the smokers were outside and the fact it was quite a balmy night helped as well, result. When we stopped off for something to eat the young waitress, with shrapnel in her nose and ears, covered in head to toe in tattoos, including one of her mother or grandmother on her upper arm, which for some reason my brother I think said was a great likeness(?), asked us if we had any food allergies, I wittily replied we were all too old to have any of those, geddit?

Tally Ho!

On my recent trip south I had some time to kill before the gaming day in Peterborough, I had sort of planned to go to the Imperial War Museum which I have not been to since the very late sixties and was my first stop in London, and possibly the Guards Museum, as it turned out I had had enough of being on my feet so didn't make the Guards, maybe next time.

The Friday was a beautiful Autumn day and I felt good as I wandered around the leafy suburb of Chorleywood, life felt good, I had had a bit of a lie in and fortified by a bacon buttie courtesy of my daughter-in-law, I set off for the capital. I was going to get as close as I could to the IWM by tube but found the nearest station was shut until we discover another planet with life, so I walked from Waterloo. The area hasn't changed much and is still fairly shabby, I was on Defcon 4 just in case.

The museum has had a make over since my day, they do like space don't they, its sister museum up north is all space, like an empty factory with the emphasis on empty. Anyway I started with the WWI section, I enjoyed this, it was very well done, there didn't seem to be a lot about the battles as it concentrated more on what life was like at the front and the effect of modern weapons on the conflict and of course how it affected the ordinary men and women. An excellent start. I moved on to WWII and morale fell, I thought it very poor, I remember the place being stuffed with WWII gear, all that was on show on this level was some junk and a Sherman tank. The only thing which I enjoyed here and could have done with more of, was a three minute film which showed the British (for a change) 3rd Division landing in Normandy, the soundtrack was old soldiers who had been there, each giving snippets of their remembrances, priceless.

I skipped the next two floors which seemed too modern for me, terrorism of course was on the agenda and some other stuff which to me is dubious content for a war museum. The whole upper floor was given over to the Holocaust, again I am unsure where this fits in with the title of the building, but I have to say it is a harrowing exhibit and it excels at showing the victims as human beings which of course makes it even more horrendous.

Overall it was a decent way to spend a few hours but I thought the WWII exhibit very poor, I suspect most of their stuff is hidden away in some kind of large warehouse which also has the Arc of the Covenant in it.

The next day I headed for the RAF Museum London, which is at Hendon, it was only thirty minutes away according to Ms Satnav but it was one of the worst thirty minute journeys I have ever made, driving down there is no fun. Anyway I got there barely in one piece, thankfully with no bumps on the Batmobile. From the moment I entered the vast hanger this place was a joy, they have all sorts in there from stringbags to jet bombers, all my favourites were there of course, Spitfire, Mosquito, 109, 262, Albatross and Bristol Fighter. They have a main hanger which has all sorts in it, I particularly liked the Buccaneer, much bigger than I thought and being able to stand under the massive Vulcan bomber.

They have a Spitfire which you can pay £10 to sit in, my son paid this, he was going to pay for me as well but I declined, I at first thought it a bit much but on reflection how many people can say they have sat in a Spitfire, a once in a lifetime experience and the £10 will be well spent keeping this magnificent museum free to the public. I also have to mention that the young lady doing the 'tour' was very knowledgable and extremely helpful. Does being in a Spitfire trump having been in a real U-Boat, I digress.

Graham "Biffo" Anderson

Beautiful, not a thing out of place.

The First World War hanger was a delight containing many of the legendary aircraft from that conflict, they were brave men who took those crates up, did you know that of the over 9,000 men killed during WWI in the RFC or RAF 8,000 deaths were due to flying training and accidents.

Sore head coming up.

 Last but not least there was the WWII hanger, again more legends in various forms and states of repair or rebuilding. I can thoroughly recommend this museum if you are within shooting distance, a great day out.