Saturday, 10 December 2016

Wargaming Doesn't Get Any Tougher Than This!

If you are a British wargamer and not living in the wilds of Scotland or Wales shunning society,  lamenting the wholesale slaughter of animals to make the new five pound notes, then you will know the BBC have taken your hard earned licence fee money and brought back 'Time Commanders'. The game show which pits two teams against each other while fighting a famous battle from history with what looks like the PC game Total War.

The first I heard about it was a post on Facebook to which I immediately responded with 'Please tell me that is not Gregg Wallace!" But yes, the famous fruit and veg gadgie and pudding lover is the new face of the historically based 'Time Commanders', of course he is, Dan Snow must be busy. I gave up years ago when the, unknown to me, militarily astute Richard 'The Hamster' Hammond from that car show fronted the programme.

But wait, the warning bells have only just started. I watched a two minute clip of the coming programme, Monday night I believe, and it deals with the Battle of Zama, now I have read about the Punic Wars and of course Hannibal's defeat at the hands of Scipio, but I do not remember it being an example of ancient urban warfare. Whatever was happening seemed to be happening in a town square, a quick google will tell you both armies deployed on a plain the better to use their cavalry and elephants, as you would if you were two of history's most famous generals. The Roman guy just being lucky on the day, but that's another discussion.

Alarms were going off, red lights flashing, Gregg opined that one side's centre was being 'mollered', a new one on me but a real word, possibly Punic perhaps? Then that familiar voice, Mike Loades, the weapon expert who, like Gregg, cannot speak without shouting to put his point over, which is a shame as he seems to know his business. Now I had been told that Aryeh Nusbacher was back on the programme, I had not taken to this particular military expert and if you check him out online neither has many other people despite him being a lecturer at Sandhurst. I did not see Mr. Nusbacher but I was jolted by a quick shot of a rather large, red headed pantomime dame standing grinning beside Mike Loades, imagine my surprise to find out that was Lynette Nusbacher AKA Aryeh Nusbacher. Words fail me.

Will I watch it, yes I will but I am not hopeful and if I am wrong I shall retract this, time will tell.


  1. I will take the required morale test and give it a go if I pass.

    1. You will need sixes Phil, loads of them.