Sunday, 31 March 2019

View From The Window

Young, newly married lady came in with her husbands Mothers Day card, worried that it might be too late, I asked if no one had told her that that was part of her duties, to buy and make sure his lordships birthdays, anniversaries etc. are not late, did she not have the handbook, I would photocopy the wife's and hand it in.

I digress, do airline staff have no idea of their own procedures, why do they let people onboard carrying everything but the kitchen sink as hand luggage, carrying anything on sir, yes, a book. I settled in to my expensive airplane seat on the upperdeck of the A380 heading for Vietnam and opened up said book having refused the champagne for apple juice, grrr, and was distracted by ZZZZ, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, ZZZZZZ, what the. Just in front of me an old guy was amazed that his seat could move and was putting it through its paces, ZZZZ, ZZZZ, ZZZZZ. Worse was to come, as the stewardess handed out hot towels to refresh us before we took off, matey took off his shoes, socks and washed his feet! The look on the girls face was priceless. Wait, don't panic, the gent in question was French.

What is it now, once in the air the guy directly opposite found something amusing on the television, he settled down to watch what I suspect was several seasons of some American adult cartoon, Modern Family Burger Guy or some such, I had to put my own earphones on to drown out his guffaws.

Then of course no sooner has the plane touched terra firma than the seat belts come off, a chorus of click, click, click while there is still at least fifteen minutes or more until the doors open or the sign tells you you can take them off, and along with this the mobile phones, just landed thought I would let you know you have another hour or so to wait before I get out of the airport. This usually happens just after the announcement telling people not to switch on their phones. The gangway is now thronged with people and cases and you cannot even see the terminal.

Why do people wear hats and sunglasses indoors, why do you need a hat inside, whether it be a bus, cinema, restaurant or anywhere which has a roof. Not only that, why wear it with the front at the back? It used to be good manners to take your hat off when entering a building, because you didn't need it and it would annoy the old Scotsman in the corner.

And don't get me started on mobile phones, herds of people lost in their own little worlds, taking selfies, pouting and ignoring completely the magnificent views and the world around them unless it is photogenic and fit for Instagram. One woman at Nha Trang airport was so engrossed that I watched her young daughter wander all over the area, I could imagine her showing the police her phone and saying "this was my daughter just before she disappeared."

As I sat waiting for the mother to wake up and look around my sensitive ears heard squelch, squelch, what was that, some kid barely walking had shoes which gave off a squelch with every step, not just bad shoes, this was a deliberate, loud squelch, why? This was then joined by a high screech, what now, it took me some time but I tracked it down to a litter bin that needed oiled. I am a martyr to my hearing. But worse was to come, the plane took off but I still heard ding, ding, ding, I checked the seat belt sign, nope, I put my book down and with further investigation found the guy in front playing some kind of game on his tablet, hence the ding, ding, almost an hour I had to grit my teeth and endure this, I only wished I knew the Chinese for "Turn the bloody sound down mate" but the term eluded me.

With the holiday over and while sitting in the lounge waiting for my flight back to the UK fate intervened again, bells this time, bells! Gliding past me was a throwback from a Pirates of the Caribbean movie complete with bandana, flouncy shirt, beard and bells on his belt!

I had an attack of nostalgia yesterday due to someone clocking the RN badge on my jumper and enquiring on my membership. I googled the navy to see where Radio Operators now stood in the fleet, they are now communication and information specialists and no longer have their own unique branch being lumped in with 'engineering'. I also could not help looking at the Equality, Diversity and Inclusion statement and sure enough I found myself reaching for a bucket. For some reason I also found the term Naval Service rather than Royal Navy got my hackles up. Sad days for we old timers.

Independence day has been and gone and didn't happen, the country now seems to not have a government, MP's are debating motions which are non binding and mean nothing but cannot themselves now seem to bring sense to what is happening or not happening over Brexit. I also find it completely baffling that a bunch of Conservative nobodies are throwing their hat into the ring for the Leaders position when there are maybe only two of them who might have a smidgen of respect left and I doubt anyone in the country cares. Democracy, you can keep it if you ever manage to actually get it, for decades I have went to the voting booth never to get what I voted for, apart from once and it turns out I won't even get that.


  1. Very entertaining post George, although you have put me off travelling even more now :~)
    Democracy, everyone gets what nobody wants.

  2. I try desperately to avoid the many documentary series on life in the caring, sharing, gender balanced, ethnically diverse "Naval Service" but caught 5 minutes of a Rastafarian Leading Steward (doubtless not called that now) setting up a cocktail party in the hangar of HMS WHITE ELEPHANT. The other annoying sound you can hear is generations of Jossmen spinning in their graves?

    1. Please don't tell me he was allowed dreadlocks......

    2. Let's put it this way - he would have needed an XXXXL Anti-Flash Hood?

  3. PS Hope Vietnam improved once you got off the plane?

  4. Good to see the bile and vitriol still in full flow! All is well with the world again now!