View From The Window

It's cold, but the sun is shining through the window and I can see all the way to the unlovely windmills which are standing doing nothing as not a breath of air moves the 'wind tree' in the garden of Eyebrow cottage. The scaffolding has gone from Washington House and the house next door has new occupants, but I have no idea what or who they are, nothing else round about has moved. The village is waking up for the year, we had a quiz night in the hall last night and the drama group are ready with their first production of the year and some of the absentee landlords are here to enjoy Spring for a few days or weeks before heading back south to the rat race. There are a lot of rental properties in the village so if you are local and want to own your own house you can have a problem.

Brexit, I voted for it but am reaching for the remote now, I am Brexitted out, what happens now is out of my control so as Confucius recommended I am trying to put it out of my mind. There are moments of sheer joy still to be had of course, the look on Donald Tusk's face, the Spanish trying to grab Gibraltar, they can have it for me by the way, not a friendly lot in my experience, Hungary doing its own thing with 'refugees'. And the BBC of course, this week they filmed a fool returning his British passport along with a letter full of rubbish as if anyone was remotely interested, seemingly he managed to get an Irish passport, so he can still travel so where is the sacrifice, also when the barriers go up surely being British he will need to get another British passport and pay the £77 again? The big one for me when it all kicks off will be fishing rights, I am interested in that one, when I was on Fishery Protection I remember seeing a map of the UK on the chart room table with coloured zones around the coast, all marked thus; Spain, Holland, France, Spain, Germany, Denmark etc. that will need reprinting hopefully.

That'll show em.

My next door neighbour was cleaning his garden last week on a Thursday morning, I shouted over "I thought you were in the Army?" He is by the way, when I was in the Navy we got six weeks holiday a year if you were free, no Thursday mornings, his answer was that he booked a day off to do the garden! Yes, you can bank your holidays and take them just like civvy street, presumably as long as we are not democratising anyone at the time or we are expecting a Russian landing on Lindisfarne. But as the conversation went along I also found out that you can join up now and tick a box that you do not want to be sent overseas, it just fell short of 'do not want to be involved in a war' another, not as surprising, was that the physical benchmark for entry has been lowered as too many women were not managing it. God forbid we ever do have to fight a real war against a first class opponent.

Is this too much?

Mind you we might not have to with the like of this quote from the House in the wake of the attack on Westminster Bridge "Will the Prime Minister agree with me that what happened was not Islamic....terrorism". Might be a good time to look out those 1938 Munich white flags, give them a dust down and don't get them mixed up with the 1939 ones.

The upgrading of security in the country has had one benefit already after a fan, sorry, possible terrorist, wandered back stage during filming for "Ant and Dec's Big Saturday whatever" the vulnerable pair were whisked away to safety before you could say "Allah Akbar". One up for the West, mind you in my experience Geordie's can normally look after themselves and usually provide the security not need to be protected by it.

Don't forget the other one.

I was reminded one evening last week that my world had gone and I was living on a different planet to the one I grew up in. I sat in front of the box having a quick bite before heading off to the wargame club and the quiz compare turned to the panel and asked Ashley what she thought, Ashley was a bloke, big, deep voice, Adam's apple, the flower print top and wig fooling no one, then, turning to the contestant in the hot seat was told that he would not take the lower offer as he had been instructed by his husband not to. I switched over to Pointless just in time to hear a bloke who looked like a full time bouncer in a rough part of town voice that he knew the answer because the Lion King was his favourite all time move. The defence rests M'lud.

If any of this confuses you, then think of the uproar now about the naming of Hurricanes, the usual agitators want to know why they should be given women's names as it is insulting to women, well if you have ever got on the wrong side of a woman you will know what it feels like to be hit by a hurricane maybe. Just kidding, they can call it after any one of the 97 different genders for me, its just not going out weather.

And if I feel the need to atone for my thoughts I can always avail myself of the 'Masculinity Confession Booth' at Canada's University of Regina where males are invited to fess up their sins and change their ways for being, err, male. Don't laugh I will put money on this coming to a campus near you soon.

The actual booth.

Mexico City went one better than the Confessional Booth with the Penis Chair on their trains, this is supposed to make men uncomfortable and think about violence towards women, no I don't get it either, surely locking them up would work better, I would think there is not a lot of things more uncomfortable than being in a Mexican prison, hang on to that soap Pedro.

And it's reserved for men only!

Great news for all you Dr. Who fans who have been waiting just ages for the Beeb to come bang up to date and 'finally' give the Doc an openly gay character as a side kick, but don't pop your champagne or Fanta yet, hedging their bets the companion is a girl called Bill, aaagh, when will they get it right!