Saturday, 17 September 2016

The Bourne Bore

I have just finished watching the latest Jason Bourne movie, I decided to refresh my memory before trying to make heads or tails of the new one by watching all the others, it was or is a complex story line, no?

No it isn't as it quickly became apparent, Bourne is a programmed assassin doing the bidding of a secret bunch of suits inside the CIA, he comes out of his trance, doesn't know who he is and generally keeps himself to himself. But of course that wouldn't be much of a movie so the CIA go after him, and continue to do so for five movies, albeit one of them was not him but another assassin with a conscience.

The first hint this was not quite kosher was in the first movie when ultra spy Bourne is on the run throughout Europe with a dozen different passports etc. but he keeps a hold of the bright red shoulder bag he picks up at the beginning of the film, he changes clothes, looks etc. but keeps the bag.

Another joke is that the CIA have hit teams throughout the world, anywhere Bourne is sighted we go through the motions of "we can have a team there in five minutes" and not just one team but two. Have you seen the traffic in Paris, Madrid or Rome not to mention how do you get across the centre of London in five minutes? All of this of course is of no matter as Bourne kills them all, teams Alpha and Beta are a bit like Captain Kirk's bodyguards when he beams down, no one in their right mind would join up for the job.

And then there is the mind blowing technical stuff, taking control of Berlin's CCTV cameras from Langley or inside a white van, or hacking into a certain computers broadband provider, from all those available in a civilised country, and then killing it dead. It takes me forty minutes to speak to BT and despite writing down passwords and user ID's they always kick me out so I have to start again. They never get a dodgy connection and they don't even have fibre all the way to the building! Bourne also manages to understand the electrical systems for each country's phone lines, each buildings alarm systems and always manages to get to the exact file he wants from a massive database.

Despite being the most wanted man on the CIA's most wanted list he travels the world with impunity, not for him the taking off of his belt and shoes, dumping his bottle of Pepsi etc. an enquiring look from the usual unsmiling customs official and bingo, he is through and on his way. Despite looking guilty as hell, walking fast and looking furtively around every twenty seconds.

And guess what, the new movie is the same as the last ones, despite all he goes through the CIA forge ahead with their Black Ops top secret programmes, Bourne changes nothing and despite leaving a trail of carnage behind him manages to disappear once again to surface no doubt in movie number 6. Enough, kill the guy for heaven's sake.


  1. I too was disappointed wit the last film, it actually gave me a headache, switching from frame to frame sooooo bloody fast!

    1. The high point for me was the armoured car, now that's how to sort out bad drivers. Coming through!