View From The Window

 I'm late today but more of that later, it is again raining, miserable but not as cold as it has been the last few days, the sun has toyed with us but the minute you stepped out in your T-shirt and shorts you froze, then you were hit by sleet or hailstones, then of course the cold rain, such is living on the edge of the Lake District. Despite being noon, nothing stirs, several houses remain up for sale and James' roof is still not finished although it is close and it looks good, but no doubt eye-wateringly expensive, James' house is big. I would like to get my roof renewed as the guy who did it way back left his horse hitched to the front gate, it doesn't leak so it will have to do, but it needs watching.

Why so late? No.2 son was here and he requires a fry up on a Sunday morning otherwise he tells tales on me to his mum about me starving him, but it's only for his own good besides I operate lean being on my own. Also I had to be in Lancaster for an MRI scan, my first. It looks like I may have my gallbladder removed at some point, when depends on the scan, I have been reliably informed that I don't need it anyway. The same mindset that applied to those four teeth the Navy whipped out on joining, or that you can live without your appendix and tonsils, why are they there then, didn't God think it through? Anyway I survived the experience and was in and out in an hour and a half, now the wait for the result.

I am now as you know on 0% beer, people sympathise with me and tell me it is lovely, just like real beer, no it isn't and I don't see them drinking it across the table if it's so nice. So what is the point of it, a question I used to ask myself, well I'll tell you, if you are used to sitting relaxing with a drink rather than nothing it fulfils that need, and that to me is the most important. You don't get that soft, warm feeling of being slightly tipsy after a couple and the world suddenly becomes a much nicer place, I miss that, but it does beat sitting with a diet coke. I will still treat myself to sharing a nice bottle of wine with the missus over a meal once in a while so all is not lost. I have hardly drank any alcohol in the last four weeks, the sky has not fallen in and I am fine, honest. By the way, 0% is big business these days.

The missus is still away and will be until at least the 12th May, so I am going to be forced to do a 'wash' tomorrow as I am running out of the essentials, underpants, socks and jeans. Now as a modern man I can do almost everything around the house a woman can, wash dishes, hoover, dust, iron etc. but I have never delved into the science of the washing machine, and from listening to them talk about it I can only think it is exhausting and it seemingly takes up most of their day. I like to point out that they no longer need to trawl to the local stream and beat said clothes to a pulp on the nearest boulde. My view that instead it is clothes, machine, button, Jeremy Kyle no doubt is mistaken, as I shall find out.

 I got a phone call from POL (Post Office Limited) the other day giving me a wrap on the knuckles for not completing a test on Anti-Money Laundering and Anti-Terrorist Financing. Now the test turns up every six months or so and is done online, there are ten multi-choice questions and they are always the same, but they cunningly move them around in the list to confuse you every so often. Not only is this a poor joke of a serious subject, the people who need to launder money do so through banks like HSBC or hedge funds in Panama, they don't go to the local Post Office. I also had to do the same test on the Selling of Post Office Broadband, and if I fail to do so then they will not allow me to sell it, I have not sold one since it began around 10 years ago, so threaten away mate.

The government bean counters must have read the View last week, my claim against the MOD has been settled and I received a letter yesterday, I of course am not at liberty to divulge the results of my claim as I may still be subject to the Official Secrets Act but as I am here this morning typing this instead of on a Caribbean beach you can have a wild stab. The bean counters in Dar es Salaam obviously have not read the View and are still dragging their heels on my daughter-in-laws visa.

I watched a movie the other night called 'Pandemic' and was all set to reach for the remote but despite being low budget it kind of worked and I sat through the whole thing. Have you ever noticed that when the world goes to hell in a hand basket due to zombies, plague or nuclear war, people immediately throw tons of paper and empty cardboard boxes all over the place. Who is littering to such an extent while desperately trying to stay alive?